


How to Trick People Into Thinking You’re Not a Depressed Piece of Shit in 7 Easy Steps: a Helpful Guide By Jared Klienman

by Fruit_Fly



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, Divorce, M/M, Untreated Depression, alcoholic, super underage drinking, tags will be updated as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 08:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17505350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fruit_Fly/pseuds/Fruit_Fly
Summary: Jared is a master at pretending he’s okay, and he’s decided to share his secret with you.





	1. Step 1

Step 1: Drink. A lot. Liquid Courage is your crutch. 

Jared Kleinman’s favorite drink is vodka. His favorite place to drink this is at parties at the houses of people he doesn’t know. This is how he spends his entire summer after his parents get divorced. The summer after freshman year. 

He loves how the liquid burns down his throat the first time he sneaks a bottle into his room. It was surprisingly easy to smuggle the bottle upstairs, what with his mother and father arguing over the phone. The adrenaline rush of what he is about to do drowns out the yelling, and soon all Jared can hear is the shitty pop flowing out of his radio. He hyper focuses on the lyrics. 

“I can’t feel my face when I’m with you  
But I love it”

His face. He hates his face. It’s covered in red blotches and acne scars. Ever since 7th grade he’s had the nervous habit of scratching at his acne. And he’s nervous a lot. The results are tons of little scars and scabs dotted all around his face. 

Jared forces his intoxicated body off of the floor and walks to the standing mirror in the corner of his room. Minutes pass by as he takes the time to pick out every single thing wrong with his body. He takes a shot for everything he sees. He makes note of the stretch marks covering his stomach and love handles. Shot. He scrunches his nose as he scrutinizes the strange shape. Shot. He pulls at his mousy hair. Shot. 

Eventually he gets too light headed to stand, so he instead sits crisscrossed in front of his mirror and drinks himself to sleep. 

Jared continues this ritual for a little over a month. He eventually skips straight to the drinking, too tired to even look at his disappointing face. This carries him to his senior year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first chaptered work. I’m sorry if the chapters are super short, I’m really more of an artist than a writer, but I’ve had this idea for a while and I’ve finally found the motivation to write it down. Please kudos and comment, I’d really love to hear from you guys.


	2. Step 2

Step 2: Be a dick to your best friend. Don’t let him get close enough to see the real you. 

It’s the first day of senior year and Jared is anything but excited. After a long summer of sleeping all day and drinking all night, the last thing he wants to do is take a single step into that god forsaken hell hole. 

But, alas, that’s exactly where he finds himself. 

Jared reluctantly walks through the school door and treks to his locker, where he sees his best friend, Evan Hansen. Well, I say best friend, but really Jared takes every chance he gets to remind Evan of their “family friend” status. Jared knows it’s an asshole thing to do.   
That’s the point. 

Evan and Jared have known each other for their entire lives. Their moms were best friends in college and got pregnant around the same time, so they grew up together. Jared literally cannot remember a time without having Evan in his life. 

But being that close to someone is dangerous, and Jared is extremely aware of it. The last thing Jared wants is to give anyone any kind of window into his soul. Jared’s least favorite feeling is that of exposure. He’d rather be alone forever than be vulnerable even once. He can’t risk people seeing his flaws. So, he does his best to push Evan away. 

“Hey, Evan,” Jared greets him. He watches the nervous boy wipe his hands on his khaki pants. Ever since Jared can remember, the other boy had had a serious sweating problem. We’re talking literal puddles in his hands. Not the best for meeting new people. 

“Hi, Jared. How was your summer?” Evan replies while shakily trying to open his locker. He continues to juggle his books as he fumbles with the lock. 

Jesus Christ, Jared thinks. He nudges Evan out of the way of the locker. 

“You’re pathetic,” the snide remark slips from his lips. “Combo?”

“W-what?” Evan looks at him dumbly. 

“What’s the combination for your locker, idiot.” He doesn’t even think before the insult leaves his mouth. He almost hates how easy it’s become to hurt the boy he’s known his whole life, but he knows it’s for the best. 

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Um, it’s 7-13-8.” The locker swings open. “Thanks,” Evan mumbles. 

“Don’t mention it,” Jared says. He distantly realizes he’s been being a little too nice. He’s gotta dial it back. “Seriously, don’t mention it. I don’t need people knowing I was actually nice to you. Besides my mom, obviously. Make sure you tell yours so mine keeps paying my car insurance.” Jared feels a little bad about this whole situation, so he changes the subject. “But, yeah, my summer was fucking amazing,” it wasn’t, “I met this super hot girl at my summer camp. We made out a ton, I got to touch her tits,” there was a hot girl at camp, they never talked though. She always walked away whenever Jared got near her. “And my team totally dominated in capture the flag. The other cabins didn’t stand a chance.” His team didn’t win once, and he sat out most games complaining of a stomach ache. “How was your summer? Obviously it wasn’t as good as mine.”

“It was actually pretty good,” Evan says,”I volunteered at Ellison State Park, whi-“

“OH MY GOD! What the hell happened to your arm?” Jared interrupts him. 

“Oh, um,” Evan refuses to meet his eyes, “I uh, I fell out of a tree.”

Jared’s mildly in shock. Even fell out a tree? Evan Hansen, who spent his entire childhood in trees, who was practically born in a tree, just fell? Jared has the audacity to laugh. 

“You fell out of a tree? What are you, an acorn?” It’s all Jared can think to say. Something about this doesn’t add up. 

“Yeah,” Evan scratches the back of his neck nervously, “the branch broke and I, uh, slipped. It’s really not that bad though, because...”

Evan’s words go in one ear and out the other as Jared glances around at his classmates. He suddenly spots a familiar face at the end of the hall, and he can’t stop the words that tumble out of his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! You can expect the third chapter sometime tomorrow. Please comment and kudos, it keeps my heart pumping. Also tell me if you spot any grammar or spelling mistakes! Thanks <3


	3. Step 3

Step 3: Screw just being a dick to your best friend. Be a dick to everyone. 

“Hey Murphy, nice haircut! Very school-shooter chic.” Connor Murphy spins around and shoots a death glare at Jared. Shit. He’s really done it this time. 

“It was just a joke,” Jared chuckles nervously, “Jesus, can’t you take a joke?”

“Yeah, no, it was funny,” Connor spits back, now just barely a foot away from Jared. “What, am I not laughing hard enough for you?”

Jared can barely get out a “God, you’re such a freak” before he turns tail and speed walks away from the situation, leaving poor Evan alone with the beast. 

-

School is shit, just as he expects it to be. He ends up sitting alone on the bleachers at lunch, where he hopes no one can see him. He yells at a few freshmen who are being too loud, and they immediately shut up and wander off to somewhere else to eat. 

After school Jared walks past the computer room, where he sees the Freak signing Evan’s cast. For reasons even he doesn’t understand, his heart drops to his feet. He stands and watches them for probably a bit too long before he’s spotted. 

“Why are you watching my brother like that?” A voice says from behind him. Jared turns around to meet Zoe Murphy, sister to Connor and long time crush of Evan’s, at least according to the last time he scrolled through Evan’s camera roll. Talk about obsessed. 

“I was just making sure he didn’t murder my dear friend Evan, Zo-zo.” He says the nickname in a condescending tone. He wants to get on her nerves. He needs to get on her nerves. He needs to feel anything but this dread that came from watching Connor and Evan together. 

“Don’t fucking talk about my brother that way, Kleinman. You don’t know how fast I could get your ass out of this school.” Oh, but Jared does know. Zoe’s father is friends with people in very high places, and her mother always makes a point to be involved in school sponsored events. Nonetheless, Jared continues. 

“You Murphys,” Jared says with a tisk and a shake of his head, “always such a temper. You know, if you keep making that face it’ll stick?” Jared usually isn’t this bad. He’s usually pretty indifferent to most people, not trying to get to close to them, but not trying to get on their bad sides either. He’s just had a horrible day, and he can’t seem to stop himself from making it worse. 

All Jared wants to do is go home and get shit face drunk. 

Jared is saved from the conversation getting any worse by another angry Murphy storming out of the computer lab. Connor doesn’t even acknowledge Jared and Zoe as he stomps past them. Zoe shoots Jared one final glare before following and calling after her brother. 

Jared waits around long enough to see Evan in the computer lab sitting at a computer with his head in his hands. Jared briefly wonders what happens, but in the end he decides he doesn’t care enough to find out. He heads to his car. 

On his way home from school, Jared runs several red lights and almost rear ends at least 2 cars. He finally pulls into his driveway. 

As soon as he steps into the door, his mother is on him asking about his day. 

He shoots an “I don’t want to talk about it” at her and begins trudging up stairs to his room. He slams the door and frantically digs through the box in his closet and pulls out a bottle of whiskey. It’s definitely not his favorite, but it’s what he’s got. He takes a swig and grimaces. It’s definitely far from his favorite, but, after a few more good gulps, he can’t even tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on making this chapter a little longer, but I found myself hitting a block. Once the story is done I’ll post a full length one shot of all the chapters together, it’ll probably be more enjoyable that way. As always, thank you for reading. And please keep me company with comments and kudos!!


End file.
